One fine Tuesday morning, a BJP MLA decided to “expose” JNU and tell the world the “secret” it’s been hiding. A secret that has shocked all college students, all school students who will soon be applying in colleges, and all existing students who now wish they were a part of JNU.
Ahuja accused the college and said, “More than 10,000 butts of cigarettes and 4,000 pieces of beedis are found. 50,000 big and small pieces of bones are found. 2,000 wrappers of chips and namkeen are found, and so are 3,000 used condoms – the misdeeds they commit with our sisters and daughters there. And 500 used contraceptive injections are also found.”
“Students are mostly found taking drugs after 8 p.m. inside the campus. Those studying in JNU are not children, but parents of two children. They indulge in peace protests in the mornings and during the nights, they perform obscene dance,” he added.
As soon as this news broke out, a lot of students regretted not applying in this extremely “easy-to-get-sex” university. Virgins were found crying in St. Mary’s Church. Drug peddlers were found around the campus trying to score some weed from the students and pan-beedi vendors are trying to get some tips from them. Whoever counted the 3,000 condoms and the 500 contraceptive injections must have had to go through so much trauma. It’s like asking a handicapped man to count shoes. Sigh.
Little did the BJP MLA know that he just opened doors for a lot of potential business deals on-campus. Sex-hungry students who also don’t mind a little bit of knowledge gathering in the process of satisfying themselves will finally get a degree and job satisfaction. Restaurant owners are keen on investing on-campus bars in order to make optimum utilization of the naked students who dance at night. It will not only save them the money to hire bar dancers, but also gather them in-house loyal customers.
Our condolences with all the students who didn’t make it to the university this year. We hope the forthcoming year brings you luck and a lot of sex.